July 14, 2003 - 12:47 p.m.

So last night I went over to Pony Girl and the Best Chest Warrior�s house for dinner and to watch Sex and the City with them and Mandy, Pony Girl�s sister. They are currently engaged in biological warfare, not with each other, but rather against a particularly nasty strain of toxic black mold. For the last week they�ve been going it alone with just their wits and copious amounts of Clorox to battle this wily and formidable foe. Upon examination of the research the Best Chest Warrior discovered that the mold isn�t attacking them at all, but rather it is engaged in a life long battle against its most hated enemy. You see the toxic black mold, let�s call it the Evil Empire is attacking the green and white mold, let�s call it Switzerland.

Best Chest Warrior: So the Evil Empire is sending out these Mycotoxins all the time to attack Switzerland.
Monster: Heh, a preemptive strike!
BCW: Yup and it�s trying to destroy Switzerland.
Pony Girl: So it�s like the spores of Switzerland are our troops, fighting for all that�s moral and wholesome�in our house.

It seems, however, that while it may possess the best intentions, Switzerland isn�t comprised of the most formidable fighters. Unless drastic measures are taken the Evil Empire will bitch slap Switzerland into submission, take over the house with little regard to the innocent civilians residing within its walls.

PG: If the Evil Empire goes unchecked it will engulf the house and we�ll be forced to abandon all our possessions and burn down the house.
Monster: Dude, that would really suck.
PG: I know! I totally don�t have time for that.
Monster: Of course not, you�ve got a full time job, family responsibilities, a social life...
PG: I know imagine how much time that would take! I mean we�d have to keep an eye on it, so it didn�t cause the entire city to burn down�
Monster: And you�d probably have to get some kind of permit for that.
PG: Oh, I�m sure we would, and you know how long it takes to get something done when you�re dealing with city officials.

So last night, however, they called in the big guns�a dehumidifier.

PG: What should we set the humidity to?
BCW: Zero.
PG: Are you kidding? At zero it�ll suck all the moisture out of our eyeballs.
Monster: Yeah, you�ll get all dry and shrivelly and it won�t matter that there�s no more mold, you won�t be able to enjoy the liberation �cause you�ll be all desiccated on the couch.

Time elapses while the BCW hops online to do a little research.

BCW: Well, the ideal humidity level to maintain to live mold free is between 30% and 50%. But at 30% it�s Mold Mass Extinction and hey, bonus, at that level it�ll kill all the dust mites too.
PG: Sweet, let�s fire the bitch up.

�about a half an hour later�

PG: Oooh, let�s check it and see how much water it�s collected.
Mandy: Oh my God, that�s got to be 6 cups of water in there.
PG: It�s only been running a half an hour and already I�m so thirsty.
Monster: Hey, remember �Water collected by the dehumidifier is not suitable for drinking�, you know that's just good advice all around.
PG: You know we should start eating meat again and use this baby to make jerky.
Mandy: What do you think would happen if you just put a bowl of water in front of it, would it just suck it all up?
PG: Do you think if you lived for a long time in a room with one of these you�d have to pee less?

A question for the ages�

�

Wondering:If there is an ongoing battle in my apartment

Doing:Listening to the New Pornographers

Wishing:I were on vacation

before - after

Pass me a note

Travel back in time

True Art - June 21, 2004
Car Again, Part the 12th - April 25, 2004
Badger - January 15, 2004
Gorilla-hand guys and skater boys - January 07, 2004
Hellooooo 21st Century! - January 05, 2004