Monster Missives

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July 24, 2003 - 10:58 a.m.

First things first, my e-mail link is up and running (ok, I just tried it, it's not, but soon I hope), so feel free to drop me a line via that or my guestbook above or pass me a note�and now on with the show�

So yesterday I was talking to Paint Monkey and lamenting the fact that I couldn�t think of anything to write about. (As you all had no doubt realized, since I didn�t update yesterday.) I told him that I was having dinner with the Rockstar and to wish me the funny so I�d have something to write about today. Let me just say I�m the living embodiment of �Be careful what you wish for.�

At first everything seemed just fine, I go over to Chez Rockstar and we head out to this small Italian place near our respective neighborhoods that has really good food. We get our table outside, right in the middle of the patio, the sun is going down and it�s all temperate for a change. We�re chatting and snacking on yummy bread and I feel something on my hair, like a fly or maybe just a leaf. So, I instinctively brush at the offending creature and I�m stung by a bee! Not only am I stung by a bee, but I�m stung by a bee on the knuckle of my ring finger, let me just tell you it�s no small amount of pain there.

So, there�s the shock and the pain and I react, boy, do I ever, I�m shrieking like a howler monkey and flinging my hand around to shake off the bee, which has lodged itself into me via it�s stinger which is still embedded in my knuckle. I finally dislodge the kamikaze bee, who proudly gave his life to the jihad declared on my infidel finger and I begin to recover from the shock of it all. The waitress brings over something to help stop the swelling and the pain. Things around us begin to go back to normal, the wait staff is coming over to me making sure I�m ok, and I guess hoping I�m not going to freak out about it. (No worries I didn�t, but if that bee weren�t already dead�)

My heart begins to slow to its normal rhythm, our food arrives, we laugh about the bee sting and I try to gather around me my remaining shreds of dignity. I reach to take a sip of water and I start choking, like really choking, not Heimlich choking, but loud, uncontrollable coughing choking. People are staring and I�m trying to act like nothing�s going on, �no no I�m fine *hack hack*, it just went down the wrong pipe is all *hack hack*, pay no attention to the woman dying in the middle of the patio.� These people had just come out on a beautiful night for a lovely meal, just minding their own business and I�m in the middle of the patio doing my very best Jerry Lewis impersonation. So, down side: a bee sting and extreme embarrassment; upside: I got something to write about.

I also just got the funniest e-mail from a friend of mine and thought I would share, in case you haven�t seen it. For background check out this news story then get frisky and mix it up. Hours of amusement I tell you. It actually reminded me of this which is one of my favorite things ever. If I could I�d just leave it on all day. It completely cracks me up.

Wondering:How stinging can be a good defense mechanism if it dies when it stings, it just seems petty.

Doing:Eating breakfast.

Wishing:My finger weren't sore, reddish purple and swollen.

before - after

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Travel back in time

True Art - June 21, 2004
Car Again, Part the 12th - April 25, 2004
Badger - January 15, 2004
Gorilla-hand guys and skater boys - January 07, 2004
Hellooooo 21st Century! - January 05, 2004

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