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October 15, 2003 - 6:19 p.m. So I�ve been sitting here trying to figure out what to write about�I got nothing. I haven�t done anything terribly exciting lately, haven�t seen anything terrifically funny recently�well except for this. Other than that I�ve just been working, oh and trying not to get sick. Normally I�m a fairly healthy person, thankfully, but every 3 years or so I get slammed by variations of the *hack�hork�snot* plague (discovered and identified in Amsterdam in 1756 and named after the illustrious Dutch physician G�nter Hack Horkensnot). I realized last night, as I was nursing a headache I�d had all day that I haven�t been sick in a while. So I started thinking back, surely I was sick last year�um nope, not that I remember. Well, definitely the year before�ah, no I don�t think so. So let�s see this makes it year 3, at least, and I�m completely and totally fucked. Illness with me is like the 7 year locusts (14 year locusts? Whatever you know what I mean), there is this lovely period of calm and relative healthiness; I might get the occasional cold, maybe a mild flu, but all in all I�m usually back on my feet in a day or so. Then comes the swarm (geddit? See my oh-so-clever insect imagery?), it�s like my immune system puts out all it can for a few years and then it�s just �Oh, to hell with it, she doesn�t respect me, she never gives me vitamins, she doesn�t sleep enough, doesn�t eat well and smokes like a chimney. I�m going to the beach and letting her deal with it for awhile, see how she likes it. Doesn�t appreciate me, well she�ll be missing me when I don�t fight off the green stuff building up in here.� Then I�m huddled in bed with 15 blankets wrapped around me and unable to lift my head from the pillow for a week and a half. I remember when I was in college and I would get sick and completely refuse to go to the doctor. To be fair, the campus doctor�Dr. Squirmer as we nicknamed him, who was actually an OB/GYN I think�used to use the students as a means of testing out new drugs. He�d get something in that was designed to treat some dread disease and you�d go in with a mild cold and he�d give you this crazy medication that would have you hallucinating and talking to the benches that lined the paths. So needless to say we all avoided him whenever possible. I had been really sick for like two weeks and was not getting any better, my friends kept telling me to go to the doctor, but I didn�t really want to deal with it. My neighbor had this program on her computer; it was Mac Dr. or something like that. It would ask you these questions about your symptoms and then tell you what was wrong with you and what you needed to do. You know, �The Dr. says you have a cold. Drink lots of fluids and get plenty of rest.� Very scientific, but she used it all through High School and said that it was unfailingly accurate. So I thought I would put in my symptoms and see what it told me so I�d know if I needed to, you know, actually do something about being sick. So, I�m answering these questions, do you have a cough, are you congested, what color is your snot, that kind of thing. I�m expecting a �The Dr. says you�ve got the flu�� kind of answer, what do I get? The computerized version of OH MY GOD YOU�RE GOING TO DIE, GO SEE A DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY!!! My neighbor�s reaction? �Huh, I�ve never see it do that, you must be really sick.� I did indeed go to the doctor, turns our I had a rather nasty case of bronchitis and, true to form, he gave me these sample pills �I just got them in, most antibiotics take at least 10 days to clear up bronchitis as severe as yours, but 2 of these�ll cure you in 3 days�they might make you feel a little odd though.� Good to know Dr. Squirmer, maybe if I hadn�t had to take an exam that afternoon I could have stayed in bed and avoided the debilitating nausea and passing out face first onto my blue book. Ahh, good times. � Wondering:What's that scratchy feeling in my throat?
Doing:Mainlining Orange Juice
Wishing:Don'tgetsickdon'tgetsick
Travel back in time True Art - June 21, 2004
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