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August 06, 2003 - 3:15 p.m. Ok, right off the bat, my new favorite show? Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. If you�ve never seen it, you�re probably thinking one of two things:
Well, give it a try, it�s hilarious, good natured and all the guys involved (gay and straight) are clearly having a blast. That said, check it out. Onward and upward, you may have noticed my entries have been somewhat sporadic of late, and when I have written, I haven�t really written, so much as thrown something at the screen and hoped that it stuck. I guess part of it is I�m trying to avoid being maudlin, unfortunately what�s been going on lately isn�t the most fun. I had to go to a funeral last weekend, for my Great Aunt on my father�s side. I hadn�t seen her in years, her husband is my Grandfather�s brother (was? He�s still alive, but my Grandfather is not), so while we�re actually very close from a related standpoint, we rarely see each other. It�s strange, I�ve been to funerals where you were very close to the deceased, and that sucks, and I�ve also been to funerals where you�re not so much, which in some ways sucks more. Let me explain. I�m not talking about funerals you go to because it�s the funeral for your best friend�s uncle�s best friend, where your there more for the survivors than the deceased. Going to a funeral where you�re supposed to be close to the deceased and the family, but you�re not or you�ve lost touch for whatever reason is very isolating. That was what Saturday was like, my parents, Grandmother, brother and I were the only people left from my Great Uncle�s side of the family, just us. My G-ma had kept in pretty close contact with them, but sadly the rest of us had slacked. Being at this funeral, I can�t speak for the rest of my fam, but I felt like an outsider. My G-Uncle and G-Aunt live about an hour away from us, they go to a different church, have different friends and since we don�t really ever have family gatherings (at least not since I was little) I didn�t think we really knew each other anymore. I remember when I was little, we�d go up to their house by the lake with my G-pa and G-ma and ride on the pontoon boat. They always wanted know what my brother and I were up to, they always wanted to see the tapes of the plays I was in in High School and College (and apparently I�m turning German since I�m capitalizing all of my Nouns), they were always a part of our lives, even if it was on the periphery to an extent. Then my brother went away to boarding school, then I did, then college, then my G-pa died and before any of us knew it we never saw them anymore. At the funeral, when I saw my G-Uncle, he looked so familiar. Not just in that, �oh, I recognize him� way, but in the �He has my G-pa�s eyes and smile and hands� way. I knew him, and in a completely different way from everyone else there. I couldn�t tell you what his favorite baseball team is or how he drinks his coffee or what his favorite color is, but I know who he is and where he came from. I know that he and his wife, my G-Aunt, were never able to have children and that has always troubled him because, to him, family has always come first. On Saturday, I saw the way he looked at me and at my brother and father, he knew us, knew our history in the truest sense. I realized at that moment while I�ve always held with idea that family is what you make, and it is, Family (capital F) is history. It�s the blueprint of who you are and how you got there. It�s not always a positive thing, but even so, who you are is determined by where you came from. These people are a part of you in an elemental way, they shape who you are and what you believe, even if you don�t see them as often as you should. � Wondering:About my family
Doing:Packing for my vacation
Wishing:I spent more time with my Great Aunt
Travel back in time True Art - June 21, 2004
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